I am turning another year older in a few days and with that I want to shake things up a bit.
I am so used to the idea of the candles and cake birthday but when I got confronted by a demanding fill-in-the-blanks journal (asking me about my "fondest memory" regarding my birthday celebrations in the past years, those I can technically remember, starting from the 7th I guess) then it hit me- my birthdays were all the same (maybe but 16th was shaken up like Miki in Wonderland). Not to sound ungrateful but the idea of just sitting there eating a cake won't be as memorable as to actually making it happen the not so traditional way. Afterall, it is the celebration of your life here on Earth, the years you've been breathing polluted air, lol jk, your wonder years; from that cry baby to slightly melodramatic you, wide eyed dreamer to the fearless goal digger that you've become.
Truth be told, I really feel so different from the old me- a few years back. Not all positive though, I have lost the capability to raffle my trust, I have developed a lot of self doubt and insecurities and it is hard to sleep off some anxiety at night. However I am determined to become a better me. Maybe as I turn a year older, I will have this "year of chances". A chance to fall in love again, to prove myself to my doubters and naysayers and to have the courage to change the things I could, and accept what I couldn't change.
So much have happened and it is so hard to live tip-toeing around avoiding people's unsolicited ideas; afterall everyone thinks they can have those comments regarding your life. But the thing is, they don't have to occupy a spot in your critique's table- when all it does to you is poison your spirit or discourage you in all the opportunities in life. Believe in what you can do, no matter how absurd it is to others, there is no harm in trying because at the end of the day- regrets will come rushing in when you won't give it a shot.
It feels a bit incoherent but my point is, own your celebration because you deserve it, surviving everything that came your way for many years deserves a shower of confetti. May it be cliff jumping, or camping at the beach under the stars, bar crawl or travelling solo- celebrate it the way you want it, make it one for the books. If you love the whole candles and cake set up, then there's nothing wrong with that either. Surround yourself with people who would really like to wish you a happy birthday, and not those who would just like to get a piece of your birthday cake. As you grow old, people's intentions are not that hard to decipher (hopefully) and do yourself a favor by spring cleaning or by removing toxic people from your life.
I feel old but that's cool. Advance Happy Birthday to me!
Sunday, July 5, 2015 @ 8:35 PM 0 stares
“When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in.
That’s what this storm’s all about.”
That’s what this storm’s all about.”
-Haruki Murakami, Kafka On The Shore
This year is probably one for the record. It started brewing storms when it began, unknown to me. And on its course for months I’ve tried to hold on and resist breaking.
I had no other choice but to be tough.
Things happen whether people like it or not; and sometimes bad things happen to make things fall into place.
The world spins madly on while I was stuck trying to answer all the questions I have. But I guess it’s time to stop wasting what’s left of me on the things that I have no control of.
Everything in this lifetime is a series of making a choice, and I was the only one who haven’t decided yet.
Now I have decided, I choose to be happy.
Anywhere but here, anytime but now.
This is where I’ll begin.